Manic Monday

Microsoft's E3 event was pretty amazing for most gamers. By gamers I mean lads like you and me who grew up with Super Nintendo, Megadrive and then moved forward to the next gen era. Not Wii owners. Not fanbois obsessed with Sony Style over substance. Microsoft has the games. If they didn't then I would have bought another system. Since I am not about to buy a PS3 for the Metal Gear cutscene collection it's vital that we continue to get a good stream of decent 360 software. After watching the announcements at E3 and looking at some of the game footage then it's clear that we've got a lot to look forward to over the next 12 months. I am not including Lips in that statement. I do have my limits. Gears 2 is still top of my wanted list but it was almost dethroned by Resident Evil 5. Damn, that one looks so shockingly good. The E3 trailer required constant pant changes as I was literally pissing with excitement. Follow that up with the RPG onslaught from Squeenix and bring up the rear with Silent Hill, Pinata, Soul Calibur, Farcry 2, Dead Space, Fallout and Fable 2 and tons more. Can you remember a list of upcoming games of that magnitude?

Thank heaven for Moffat

Hmm. Okay. Adding Doctor Who season finale to the growing list of entertainment disappointments I've had to endure this year. What's going on? Doesn't anyone know how to construct a decent ending nowadays? Games, movies and now my favourite tv show, all falling at the final hurdle. I spat out my popcorn during the last 20 minutes of Indy 4. I had to fight back the boredom to finish off GTA IV . Now, Davies delivers another improbable collection of quick-fire calamitous scenarios and situations devoid of all drama and suspense. You barely get a moment to comprehend the jargon and techno waffle and hey presto, it's solved with a quick button press on the tardis console or a handy, control-all-Dalek machine that plays like a church organ.

Spac-handed buffoonery

Emap Images was many things but it was never grateful. Life on Mean Machines was hard work and the 'fun' came from the games and the lads making the best out of the long days. The team developed a unique vocabulary that, when combined with odd facial expressions, could accurately assess a team members ability whether it be their gaming skills or work. Just like Emap management, the editors learnt to totally avoid congratulating any of the staff for their efforts. It was of course necessary to refer to oneself as 'The Master' when taking screenshots or playing the software through for the mag. Staff had to then recreate the magic or face a barrage of insults. Myself and Richard honed these insults down into a wordless distortion of the face and a twitching right hand. Tongue out and hand tilted and shaking, this cretinous form was the perfect accomplice to someones spac-handed muppetry. Imagine my joy when the master of the mong hand himself, Davros, made a spectacular return to our TV screens a few days ago. It's fair to say that quite a few staff members truly sucked at games, perfectly mimicking the gaming talents of the Dalek creator himself.