Too Human Error

Humble pie please. Just a little slice though. It's far from perfect but Too Human wasn't the crock I expected it to be after picking up a copy on the cheap from the high street. There are some really good things in there, just buried under a lot of crap. If they manage to get a sequel out before we all turn to dust then hopefully they will address some of them. So what's different since the last time I talked about it? Controls mainly. Once you get used to the unusual targeting methods and the bonkers camera then you've overcome a huge hurdle that turned a lot of people off game. Even then the system has it's flaws but overall it works well for the mass carnage that ensues. During Helheim, when you're besieged by thousands of undead (there really are thousands...), you'll understand why the controls work the way they do. The one-against-hundreds warfare has me hooked despite the fact that gathering together a complete LVL50 elite set is the most annoying 5pt achievement ever conceived!
Rest my Sackboy on your chin
I'm talking about the star of Sony's 'big' game that causing beta key mania across the web right now. I am not talking about Richards nickname during his tenure at Comptons of Soho. Do you get the fuss over Little Big Planet? It's a game that is so far removed from the stuff I enjoy playing that I am still pretty pleased that I don't have a PS3. I expect reviewers to get washed up in the furore and throw high scores all over it but this will be a lot like Wii Fit. You'll have a little giggle with your mates for a few hours then the whole affair becomes too much effort for what you get back.

Dead Cert

Dead Space looks great. Yeah, it's EA though. And EA suck right? I have never knowingly bought an EA game and to have one on my must-buy list is really quite something I can assure you. And they're really pushing this one. With a slew of carefully edited trailers, comic tie-ins and behind-the-scenes video they are going to great lengths to educate the audience about the joys of Dead Space. What I've seen so far is pretty good too. The real-time HUD implementation is class. The graphics engine and game mechanics look superb. And if you're going to pinch some ideas for a story then grabbing elements from both The Thing and Alien ain't a bad place to start. Of course it could still turn out to be a bigger stinker than a charity shop doorway after a tramps piss party but I'm keeping an open mind right now. It also prompted me to knock-up a new Mean Machines dude in honor of it's potential. I'll be doodling a lot more of these guys for games that deserve it so keep your eyes peeled if this floats your boat.

Too Predictable

The writing was on the wall when you think about it. The first time I heard news about Silicon Knights taking the Unreal engine devs to court over the software it could only be about one thing. The game sucked balls big style and they needed to point the finger of blame elsewhere. Since then I have sampled the demo, read the critiques across the web and chuckled at the continuous stream of manure spouted forth by Knights frontman Dyack. Most Innovative game on 360? I suppose if you've spent the last ten years working on it then you're entitled to exaggerate a little right? I removed it from my list of must-haves seconds after playing the demo. With Pinata 2 and a Squeenix RPG next friday then buying Too Human was always a long shot. As it stands, the 360 now it's very own 'Haze' and should keep the fanboi forums entertained for a few merry months at least.
Tee-time
We have some nice new tees about to go live in the next week or so. Four new shirts that might take your fancy. Joining these on the site is the Eurogamer shirt contest that's been in the works for a while now. We've taken some flak for the length of time it's taken to get the contest live but it's all done now bar a little testing. Why so long? VGT is essentially just a hobby and getting everyone together to do their bit on the site just took a while. Designing text only shirts was actually pretty tricky. Then we had to build the site pages. Then design the voting mechanism. Then create the shirt art and the previews for the site. Those tasks where squeezed in whenever we had a moment and now it's all done. Was it worth it? Perhaps. Will they sell? Not sure. Whatever happens it's another step forward for the site and hopefully more people will check out what's on offer.

Jimmy loves the Necrons

I recently had the desire to resume my long, lost artwork career and spent the afternoon trawling through the dusty loft looking for drawings and rotring pens. I can't put my finger on why now, 20 odd years since I last drew pictures for Games Workshop, do I want to draw monsters again but I'm going to crank at least one picture out. Just to see how it turns out if anything. It's unlikely to look like the old material as everything is painted nowadays, even the black and white pictures. So, that rules out the insane detail and fine crosshatching I used to employ. Whatever I can muster up will be posted here for your amusement. I've chosen the GW Necrons as the first subject of choice and picked up the book from the store just the other day. Necrons kinda look like a cross between Terminators and robots from the Matrix

Manic Monday

Microsoft's E3 event was pretty amazing for most gamers. By gamers I mean lads like you and me who grew up with Super Nintendo, Megadrive and then moved forward to the next gen era. Not Wii owners. Not fanbois obsessed with Sony Style over substance. Microsoft has the games. If they didn't then I would have bought another system. Since I am not about to buy a PS3 for the Metal Gear cutscene collection it's vital that we continue to get a good stream of decent 360 software. After watching the announcements at E3 and looking at some of the game footage then it's clear that we've got a lot to look forward to over the next 12 months. I am not including Lips in that statement. I do have my limits. Gears 2 is still top of my wanted list but it was almost dethroned by Resident Evil 5. Damn, that one looks so shockingly good. The E3 trailer required constant pant changes as I was literally pissing with excitement. Follow that up with the RPG onslaught from Squeenix and bring up the rear with Silent Hill, Pinata, Soul Calibur, Farcry 2, Dead Space, Fallout and Fable 2 and tons more. Can you remember a list of upcoming games of that magnitude?

Thank heaven for Moffat

Hmm. Okay. Adding Doctor Who season finale to the growing list of entertainment disappointments I've had to endure this year. What's going on? Doesn't anyone know how to construct a decent ending nowadays? Games, movies and now my favourite tv show, all falling at the final hurdle. I spat out my popcorn during the last 20 minutes of Indy 4. I had to fight back the boredom to finish off GTA IV . Now, Davies delivers another improbable collection of quick-fire calamitous scenarios and situations devoid of all drama and suspense. You barely get a moment to comprehend the jargon and techno waffle and hey presto, it's solved with a quick button press on the tardis console or a handy, control-all-Dalek machine that plays like a church organ.

Spac-handed buffoonery

Emap Images was many things but it was never grateful. Life on Mean Machines was hard work and the 'fun' came from the games and the lads making the best out of the long days. The team developed a unique vocabulary that, when combined with odd facial expressions, could accurately assess a team members ability whether it be their gaming skills or work. Just like Emap management, the editors learnt to totally avoid congratulating any of the staff for their efforts. It was of course necessary to refer to oneself as 'The Master' when taking screenshots or playing the software through for the mag. Staff had to then recreate the magic or face a barrage of insults. Myself and Richard honed these insults down into a wordless distortion of the face and a twitching right hand. Tongue out and hand tilted and shaking, this cretinous form was the perfect accomplice to someones spac-handed muppetry. Imagine my joy when the master of the mong hand himself, Davros, made a spectacular return to our TV screens a few days ago. It's fair to say that quite a few staff members truly sucked at games, perfectly mimicking the gaming talents of the Dalek creator himself.

Green Herb + Blue Herb? Lifestyle + Gaming?

One of those combos works a treat. The other is a recipe for disaster! Following on from my last post I thought I would show you a sample of the editorial madness that we regularly indulged in over at Computec USA. After 10 years of 'normal' gaming editorial we all thought how cool it was to do something edgy. You know the thing, stylish and grown-up like Maxim and all the other 'real' mags. Still, after a great concept, after a superb photoshoot, after an exclusive early glimpse of Resident Evil, after the dust had settled what did we have? Eight pages of boredom and self-congratulatory wank that was ignored by gamers and Capcom alike!
Ninja Nockers
Gaiden II is a fantastic game. Not cutting edge or a system showcase but a solid, dismemberment-fest with mass carnage and some very large breasted women. Played through on Acolyte, which I admit was a doddle, and had been progressing nicely through Warrior setting when the game decides to freeze. Not just once though. Every time, same battle, same spot. Nothing I can do can prevent it either. Quality testing guys!

Aluminum? No. Aluminium you ass…

My tenure in the great state of California was a mixed bag. It began in 1996 with a stint at GameFan but ended in 2000 after Computec Media's US operation imploded in complete disaster with 30 mil washed down the toilet. So how does a successful media company blow 30 million down the swanny then? Quite simple really. Convince seasoned game journos to launch a magazine that features the biggest names in TV, music and movies playing games! Oh, get a few previews and a screenshot or two in there also. Just in case you want to actually *see* a game in the magazine. How did it fare? First issue of Incite: Video Games was actually a monster and still holds the record for best launch in the video games market with about 800,000 copies shifted. It did not last. Evil forces were afoot as all kinds of plotters and back stabbers were working tirelessly to discredit the magazine and scupper advertising deals. Future Publishing (or Imagine as they where known back then) sent letters to all the key advertisers telling them to 'resist the German invasion' and it was as close as calling us Nazis or mentioning the war as you could legally get! Of course they were cowardly sods so they got printers and other agencies to do the work for them. The magazine concept might have had the legs to weather the storm had there been a Wii or DS in the market but games back then were still pretty hardcore and most gamers couldn't care less for lifestyle garbage. It was amusing to have a photography budget for one issue that eclipsed what we spent on Mean Machines during it's entire life span!

Summer slog

The hot and sweaty days are upon us. Three computers and all the associated kit that goes with it can generate quite amazing heat when I close the door and windows. I dare not turn on the Xbox or the room will go into a supernova-style meltdown. Though a 360 and it's power pack make an excellent back-up radiator should you find yourself a bit chilly during the winter.
What are you playing at?
Nothing meaningful right now. Most of my games are now beaten and I am just collecting achievements like the whore I am. Going for the Dark Sector-Brutal achievement and then I've got a few little things to wrap on Condemned 2. Most likely take a while though as the work and nice weather make gaming a less exciting prospect than usual. Looking forward I don't see too much that takes my fancy either. Gears 2, Pinata 2 and banjo are some way off though I do have a freebie coming from Codemasters after I did some work for a Race Driver: Grid artbook. I tried the demo and it was very nice indeed.
Sitting on your fat spiny Tat Ass
It's been such a long time I showed off any of my tat warez that I almost broke my back in two reaching through the attic for this green plush monster. Hope you ingrates appreciate the pain as I type this out. Released to coincide with Final Fantasy something-or-other back in the mid 90s this whopping plush breaks all records for taking up space in your house and looking quite crap. The missus wanted to give it away to a hospital or charity but I managed to hold onto it. Better get it back into the attic before she throws it to one of those charity vans that drive down the street every other hour.